Decisions: religion
Kneo's comments to the last post reminded me of something I was thinking about the other day. What to do about religion with respect to the baby?
My wife and I were both raised as Catholics. When I was a kid we went to church every Sunday, and went to CCD (weekly/monthly class) until we were teenagers. At some point my family stopped going to church, which was fine with me. (My parents have since started going again, long after my sister and I were gone.) Neither my wife nor I have been in to a church since we got married. We're both of the opinion that organized religion has probably done more harm than good, although it certainly serves a purpose for some people. And except for those nagging doubts that are a direct result of Catholic doctrine being drilled into me, I'm pretty much* an athiest. (My wife, not so much.)
(Tangent: I saw one of those yellow ribbon magnets the other day that said “Support Our Troops With Prayer.” With prayer? Is that really the best you can do for them? Whispering something to yourself at the dinner table? If that's all the “support” you're willing to give, then the troops are better off without you.)
Anyway. So why is this even a question? My wife rightly points out that it would be hypocritical to baptize the baby given our own feelings about religion. And so we have no current plans to do that. But still there are those nagging doubts. We'll be under a lot of pressure from both sides of the family about this. And I, for one, never discuss this topic with them. I hate the idea of having to tell my grandfather that we aren't going to baptize the baby because I think that his faith is all a bunch of supersitious nonsense**, which leads down all sort of uncomfortable paths (i.e. I don't think Grandma is up in the sky looking down on us either.) Do we have a baptism just to make the family happy? Again, that doesn't feel right.
There is also the feeling that being Catholic, although I don't go to church any more and in fact don't even believe in God, is still part of my identity. I used to have a Jewish girlfriend who didn't just not believe in God, she would happily rant about it for an hour. And yet she loved being Jewish. She liked all the holidays, ceremonies, etc. It was who she was. I just didn't get it. And yes, I understand the historical, “racial” context, and it's not the same as being Catholic I suppose. But although I still think she was being rediculous, I am a bit hesitant to take that bit of identity away from my son. It's silly to think that everyone has to fit into some group. It's crazy, I guess, and in the long run it won't make any difference.
You could also say that there are some good lessons to be taught in church, and that's true, but the actual lessons are all ones that can be taught outside a church setting, without having to subject him to the rest of the nonsense. And he wouldn't have to learn to sit/kneel/sing/chant at all the right times in order to learn to be good to other people. So I'm not worried about that. Obviously, in this society, he's going to have to learn about all of this; it's too much a part of our culture to just never go to church and pretend it all doesn't exist. But I'm pretty sure that will work itself out.
I'm just thinking out loud here. In the end we will probably end up not baptizing him, and everything will be fine. I need to learn to trust my own judgement and not worry so much about family/society/self-doubt pressures, because that's all this really is.
* See? I can't even just say it without putting a conditional in there… it's all those wafers in me screaming “Why have you forsaken us???”
** I hesitated even writing this post for fear of alienating the few readers I have (not all of you of course,) but figured what the heck. Obviously, this is all just my feelings on the subject, and it has nothing to do with you and your feelings. I will never, ever, write a post telling you what to believe or not believe. So please, if you're tempted to get angry, hurt, offended, enraged, or whatnot… please don't. Don't tell me what to believe. If your faith works for you, then I'm happy for you.